Some would say that depression and other states of mental illness or lack of well being encourages spiritual interests. That the worse off you are the more likely you are to flee from reality, flee into fantasy and imagined spiritual experiences – key word there being “imagined”, as opposed to something real.
In my experience that is the case – and at the same time it is not. I can not speak for anyone else, but here is how it seems to be in my case.
When my mental and emotional well being suffers my mind flees into fantasy and imagination while my body turns tight. Muscles turn tense and I grow sick more easily. At this point my spiritual connection grows weaker, it is like fumbling in the dark for something I know is there but I can not find.
As my emotional and mental well being improves the spiritual connection does as well. My body relaxes and my physical health improves. I no longer fumble in the darkness but see, and hear, what is.
The spiritual connection is not an escape from reality. The spiritual connection is reality. When I am worse off fantasy takes its place and pretty as though it may be, it is not real.
I am not saying that one can not have genuine spiritual experiences if suffering from mental illness – I am merely describing what seems to be my truth. It is also not a simple yes/no question, but rather is a matter of difficulty. The worse off I am the harder it is to get a connection. The higher my well being is, the easier it is.
Where am I now?
I am on the edge. My body has turned tense already and I am having trouble even sinking into the simplest meditation. My connection with the beyond is blurred, a bit like trying to find the right frequency on a radio but getting only static.
It’s alright. I’ve been through this before and by now I can see rather clearly what happens within myself. The connection to the beyond may suffer but my ability to analyse and understand does not. If anything the development only confirms what I already had figured out. Hard learned lessons should be valued, not shunned. Difficult as it may be, the result is still growth and development. So, I am not sad. Not afraid. It’ll be alright.