Today, I want to talk about something different. Well, different to what I usually talk about, that is. I want to talk about sex.
(Yeeees, you heard me. Sex. Oh boy, just using that word is going to get this blog a whole bunch of extra views, isn’t it?)
First, let me tell you what inspired me to write this. There is a blog that I follow, Beauty Beyond Bones , written by a girl who in many ways is widely different from me. We have different religious views, different political views, different you name it! But who cares about that? She seems to be a lovely warm, caring, genuine person and I greatly appreciate reading her thoughts. Now, one of the topics that have come up in Beauty Beyond Bones is that of virginity and sex and today it inspired me to put to words what I myself think, and what I stand for.
As with most of the great aspects of life, sexuality is incredibly multi-faceted and any attempt at describing it in simplistic terms (good / bad especially) are bound to miss more than it hits. That is the first thing I want to say, with the most firm tone – there is not one ‘true’ view on sex, but rather a whole plethora of truths. What matters on a personal level is finding yours.
Sex can be beautiful. It can be a bringer of life, pleasure, and love. It can offer freedom and happiness. It can offer self confidence, and it can offer strength.
On the flip side, sex can be oppressive. It can bring pain and humiliation. It can tear you down and strip you of self confidence. It can be nasty .
And, not to forget, it can be anything and everything in between.
Am I pro virginity, or pro premarital sex? Uhm. Yes? Both? Neither?
In a society where sex before marriage is forbidden or at least seen as something bad, having sex might be liberating and empowering. In a society where sex before marriage is encouraged and applauded staying a virgin might be equally liberating and empowering. And that is just one of the aspects to consider, add to that questions of relationships. The emotional states of both parties. Issues of sexual preference vs the cultural norm. The potential physical consequences?
Do not listen to anyone saying you should not have sex.
Do not listen to anyone saying you should have sex either.
Listen to yourself.
Which is easier said than done, too! Sometimes our sense of self is blurred with self destructive interference or with denial, especially if one’s sexual preferences don’t match the cultural norm of wherever you are, and knowing what your truly want and need might not be all that easy! Fucksake, is there no end to this maze?
Well, no there isn’t, unfortunately. Understanding one’s own sexuality is an ongoing process that is likely to keep going throughout one’s entire life! And that is alright.
It’s alright to not know what you want, give it time and don’t rush it.
So now, in practical terms… What advice would I give to a young ‘un? First of all, if you are going to have sex, make sure you are safe. It doesn’t matter if you think it’s embarrassing to buy condoms, do it. Is your partner refusing to use one? Well then, maybe that is not the right partner. Safety first.
Second, make sure you actually want to. Anyone trying to pressure you into sex, or guilt you into it, can fuck off. Casual fuck buddy or steady partner, it doesn’t matter. It’s your body and that is final.
Third? No shame. Do not be ashamed of being a virgin when everyone is cheering on sexual activity. Do not be ashamed of having sex when everyone is applauding celibacy. Do not be ashamed of your sexual preferences. Be you.
And fourth, remember that this goes for everyone else too, not just you. It’s easy to be accepting of those that already think just like you do but that is not the point! If you really want to stay a virgin until you marry, and your partner really wants to have sex, well then you might just not be right for each other. Or perhaps you might be right for each other right now, but will be later. Perhaps you are right for each other as the best of friends, but not as romantic/sexual partners? Respect both yourself and the one you are with, and see where that leads you!
Someone asks, “Should I stay a virgin?”
My answer is well, I don’t know.
Safety, self care, acceptance, respect – there are the key words, and that’s all I can really say that matters. And the question above is for no one to answer but you yourself.