It has been more than a month since my last blog post, and for that I apologize! I really do not usually go that long in between… And I have certainly had things to say, it is not for lack of contents that I have stayed off. In fact I am not entirely sure why I haven’t written to you, with so much on my mind.
Perhaps it has been too much on my mind?
Yesterday, after months of waiting for my body to stop acting up, they finally put a blob back inside me at the clinic. A blastocyst, a hopeful embryo-to-be. I was incredibly nervous, sweating profusely and suddenly having trouble forming full sentences.
It was quickly over and I walked out of there with an irrational fear of it accidentally sliding out of me. Even a simple bathroom visit was suddenly nerve wrecking – how do I know it won’t just slide right out?!
And now, we wait. In 18 days it is time for a pregnancy test to see if it has worked. 18 days of trying to think of something else, while staying healthy and hopefully managing everyday life as usual. Today I feel as though I’ve been run over by a tank, I am absolutely exhausted both physically and mentally, the physical part likely being due to having been so very tense for the past few days. So now, the goal of this weekend, is to simply feel good. To relax and set the tensions aside. A bubble bath perhaps. Time by the shrine and an offering to Frigg as well. Yes, I think so.
To be continued?