Thank you

Sorry for today’s earlier outburst. It’s been a bad day, mood-wise. A nasty cold in combination with anxiety, and having the husband out of town. Still not doing great, but it’s a little bit better now. Thank you all who left me encouraging comments and hugs in that last post, you have no idea how much it means to hear such when stuck in a low point!

In an attempt to stifle the bad mood I went outside, cold and all, and picked some raspberries. There is something calming about picking berries, just… one at a time, one at a time, one at a time. I then whipped up a combined apple-raspberry jam using our own apples – we only have a few as the tree still is very young, so not talking a bit cooking project here, the whole thing took like 20 minutes. 30 maybe. Tasty result, but I was still a mess. A tired mess too, constantly sneezing and coughing (sshhh, don’t think about how hygienic it ISN’T to make jam while sick, I just had to do something!), so I laid down, and slept. For hours and hours, pretty much all afternoon.


When I finally woke up, I came to do something I’ve not done in months. I actually logged on to Guild Wars 2 to do a bit of roleplay. However huge rp has been in my life the past few years, at the moment all of that is gone. I just don’t dare get involved, for fear of disappointing people, and so I’ve stayed away. Until tonight, when I gave it a little try at least.




It was good, it really was. Simple, nothing special, no pressure, just casual RP. I think that might have been exactly what I needed today, to finally calm down.


There is no real point to this blog post, and I apologize for the lack of worthwhile content. But, that’s how it is today. Tomorrow is another day, I will try to be better then.


Finally time for another little piece of fiction. Based on RP that took place on Guild Wars 2 and thus not entirely my own creation, I can only take cred for this short-story format. Warning for foul language and nudity, I should perhaps say? 



Waking up in the middle of the night after a brutal round of whiskey drinking is never a pleasant affair. The throbbing head ache, the sickening stink of alcohol, the stiff discomfort from having  slept in an awkward position, the distant memories of the night before, all coming together to paint a picture of enjoyment and remorse in a vicious blend.

“Ah shit…” Jesse muttered to himself in an exquisite expression of agony. He raised his hands to rub swollen and lazy eyes, struggling to get them open. The pain told of a hangover, yet the slow spin of the world also revealed him to still be drunk. Fuck, how long had he slept?

It was dark and the room was unfamiliar. He was laying on a fairly comfortable bed but still clothed, his leather coat having bundled up awkwardly under his back. There was a soft and warm body next to him too, with a hand resting lovingly on his chest.

A menacing click brought Jesse’s mind to focus. He opened his eyes to stare down the barrel of a pistol. The sight swiftly jolted the man back to reality.

“Look! I…” Jesse started, throwing a glance at the naked woman nuzzled up against him. Naked. Woman. Fuck.

The man holding the gun did not seem particularly amused. His features were hard to make out in the darkness of the night but Jesse could see a scowling expression and the threat of violence in his eyes. A name flickered to life from the depths of Jesse’s memory. Jake?

“I don’t got a damned clue what she’s doing in this bed,” Jesse blurted out in a quick slurry of words. They hadn’t, had they? Fuck, he didn’t quite remember. “I remember me crashin’ in this bed and…her crashin’ in the other room! … or downstairs or… somethin’. She weren’t in here!”

The pistol wielding man sneered down at Jesse, unimpressed by the explanation. Jake, yes she had mentioned a Jake. He looked like a thug more than anything, with a heavily scarred cheek and stubble across his chin. The revolver in his hand held steady, the hammer was fully cocked and a finger rested on the trigger.

“Well it certainly bleeding looks like she found her way in herself in here at some point since then,” Jake – or Jaekal as was his name in full – spoke in an utterly cold tone. “Who the fuck are you?”

Jesse’s blue eyes trailed over Jake’s rugged features. Then down at the pretty blonde woman, still motionless, asleep and stinking of whiskey. Ellie was her name, they had just met a few hours ago at the Maiden’s Whisper. They had come back to her place after a wicked amount of whiskey, he remembered.

“I got no idea what this is about, a’ight?” With a hoarse and high-pitched tone Jesse carried on speaking, hoping to sound more convincing than the voice at the back of his head.”But if somethin’ happened….it ain’t on me because I swear I got in here alone!”

Ellie drew a deeply comfortable breath, humming lowly against his chest. In a lazy motion she nuzzled in a little closer to hug her bedfellow. Jesse’s eyes shot back up to the pistol and the man behind, seeing his jaw tighten and his grip grow firmer.

“I’m Jesse! Now look, if… if you’re gonna go about firin’ that gun you might wanna know that I ain’t done shit b’fore you start–”

“I asked for your fucking name, you ball bag!” Jaekal scowled, leaning in a little to make the threat of bullet-to-the-head ever so clear.

“I just told ya damnit! It’s Jesse! What is this, some kinda prank?!”

The question had Jaekal snarling, and for a moment it looked as though he was about to strike the unwelcome guest  across the face with the heavy iron pistol. He gritted his teeth and looked to his woman, so comfortably hugging another man.

“Prank? My fucking wife is sprawled all over you with her cunt on show, think that’s fucking funny? Wake the bitch up, see which one of you I’ll do first.”

Jesse inhaled a deep breath with growing tension.

“Look man, I– shit, alright, I’m wakin’ her up… Just relax.”

Twisting a little in bed he laid a hand on Ellie’s shoulder, shaking her hurriedly.

“Wake up!”

“What’d you do, ply her with a few drinks ’til she opened her legs up?” Jake spat out accusingly. “Thought you’d follow her back to my home? My fucking home!

The woman’s reactions were slow and sleepy. With half closed eyes she slowly raised her head up off Jesse’s shoulder. When catching sight of her husband she flinched back wildly, slapping both hands over her mouth to stifle a scream.

“She dragged me here!” Jesse protested. “I don’t remember no tumblin’ in bed with her either! I remember fallin’ asleep… on me own! I don’t know what’s goin’ on!”

Elle’s muffled screeching changed. She fell forward, dropping in over Jesse’s chest, laughing so hard it made her belly cramp. Jesse’s head slowly turned to look at her.

“What the fuck?”

The statement could barely be heard over the fit of hysterical laughter. Jesse squinted his eyes and looked from wife to husband, slowly catching on. His shoulders dropped with a deep sigh of relief.

The scowl on Jaekal’s face slowly morphed into a grin. He moved his arm, aiming the pistol down at the floor and then squeezed the trigger. The empty chamber gave nothing but a loud click. The naked woman wheezed with laughter.

“Shit!” she snorted, patting Jesse’s chest and pulling herself up to sitting. A cackling laugh came from her husband too and his expression filled up with mirth.

“Got yourself to blame, you knobrash.” Jaekal smirked, holstered the pistol and took a step back.

“By Lyssa’s tits…” Jesse breathed, pushing up to sitting and swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. The woman was on him before he could get far, pressing her tits up against his back and wrapping her arms around him in a warm hug. Jesse ran a hand down his face and came to scratch his jaw, listening to her snickering. How the hell could he fall for that? “Fuckin’…. Damn.”

Ellie leaned out to the side and twisted around to look at his face, squinting her eyes. The snickering stopped.

“So we didn’t?! I don’t even remember goin’ to bed!”

“Oh c’mon!” Jesse groaned and peered from the whiskey-stinking blonde to her still chuckling husband. “You already half-way got me there!”

“I’m serious!” Ellie spouted through another fit of laughter. “I don’t remember shit!”

“Ah man…” Jesse leaned forward to rest his head in his hands, closing his eyes. “… what time is it?”

Finally the woman’s arms left him, she crawled away and reached out for her husband, snatching him by the jacket and pulling him close. A smiling Jaekal wrapped his arms around her and leaned in, meeting her lips in a kiss.

“Hey hun.” Ellie grinned up at him. “I made a new friend. I don’t know ‘is name but we’re pretty sure we didn’t fuck.”

Jesse refrained from stating his name a third time. Pushing through the haze of hangover and lingering drunkenness he got up off the bed, rubbing his face and trying to avoid looking straight at the couple. Standing up he found his pants starting to drop, the belt holding them up being unbuckled. Hastily he pulled himself together, buckling up and clearing his throat.

“He ain’t got no bruises so I figure not,” Jaekal smiled down at his wife. “Ain’t no blood either. You’re a fuckin’ unpleasant drunk fuck darlin’.”

In the most awkward of moves Jesse managed to squeeze past Jaekal and headed for the door, driven by a highly understandable urge to get the hell out.

“Aww yer leavin’?”

Ellie turned towards him with a brilliant smile, still not bothering to cover up. Jesse’s gaze flickered down over her chest but quickly rose to her face again. What the hell would he tell his girlfriend? Perhaps, perhaps best not to tell. He took a deep breath and nodded to himself. Definitely.

She was still speaking. Saying something about coffee. He rubbed his face and squinted his eyes, looking back at the smiling couple. Who the fuck even thinks of coffee after–

“Well,” Jesse muttered tiredly. “I guess a hungover man can’t say no to coffee.”






Yes, I got bit by the PoGo bug

Yes, I got bit by the PoGo bug. Actually it was very much on purpose, because I need to get out and move around more. Turns out Stockholm is a bloody brilliant Pokemon hunting ground, with lure modules everywhere and tons of people on the prowl for these imaginary creatures, so that was interesting to see. Now, I don’t live in Stockholm. I don’t live in a city at all. So unfortunately around me PoGo looks less like a vibrant hunting ground, and more… well, like this.




In a 7 km walk around the area I get a grand total of 2 pokestops, and a handful of weedles, rattatas and pidgeys. If lucky. Oh, and my AR mode doesn’t work, because for some reason my brand new Samsung X-cover’s gyro isn’t working as it should. But even so I really like it!


My main critique is that there’s so goddamn little to find in the countryside. With a game that’s supposed to encourage moving about and exploring one would think it should actually encourage people to go outside of the usual citys streets, and actually explore! But no, it’s the other way around. You gotta get into town to really find anything, unfortunately.

Also, they really do need to add player vs player battles outside of gyms. But I am told that’s coming, so not going to complain about that. There also really should be some sort of experience gain for fighting even if you don’t actually win, to encourage you to at least try even if you know you’re not going to win. Even if it’s just a tiny bit of exp, it should be there! And! Do I even need to mention the issues with how rapidly it drains you battery? Terrible.

This is me at home. The only way of finding anything near my house is by luring the critters to me! Yes, as you can see I live in the middle of nowhere.


So, there are points that should have been done much better, I think. And I haven’t even mentioned yet that I don’t actually like Pokémon! I would much much rather have played something like… Star Wars Go or Guild Wars Go. Let me run around IRL to level up a ranger and fight monsters, and I’ll be much happier! But even so, I do enjoy PoGo a whole lot and I’ll likely be continuing while keeping my fingers crossed for improvements, and options that are more in line with my gaming interests.

And lastly, the game has given me blisters under both feet. Ouch. But, worth it!

This thing called CONSEQUENCES

First a disclaimer of sorts. There are many kinds of RP, the one I am focused on here is open-world MMO rp as found on for example gw2, swtor, wow, eso etc. How applicable this discussion is to other forms of RP has not been considered at all. Also realize that while I may sound like a complete know-it-all here this is not an attempt at laying down the law, but rather just sharing my view on it all, based on a combination of my own experiences, the experiences of friends of mine, preferences of mine and a bit of common sense. Feel free to disagree, and if you do you are more than welcome to post a comment to let me see it and respond!



This was originally meant to be a blog post about the relationship between criminal and law enforcement RP. After having written a page or two on that topic I realized however that before even venturing into that territory there is something else that should be looked at.

That little thing called… consequences.

It’s a word frequently tossed around by RPers, you’ve probably heard it too. Hands everyone who has ever in frustration yelled ( or… typed angrily ) “IC actions have IC consequences!” Everyone knows this already, don’t they? Then why is it still an issue that keeps coming back and causing problems?


definition consequence.jpg

First thing’s first. What are these mysterious consequences people keep talking about? I would guess that you know what the word itself means, if not then have a look at the definition here. There are other uses for the word as well but this is the one relevant to the RP discussion; because of A, B happens.

In the world of roleplay, this might for example be that because Aaron the thief stole a loaf of bread the merchant reports him for theft, and thus Aaron gets in trouble with the law. Simple consequences, right?



Consequence dodginggw493

This is a recurring issue that anyone involved in law enforcement RP especially will have traumatic memories surrounding, I am sure. The classic example of dodging consequences is the criminal who never gets caught, even when he actually is caught. It usually goes something like this:

Character A, let’s call her Gemma, gets caught by the long arm of the law after having been found out as a murderer. Once caught, the logical consequence is that Gemma gets put in jail for a long, long while. She was after all found out as a murderer and caught. But here, Gemma’s player doesn’t want that. She wants Gemma to be free, so that she can keep roleplaying her! Gemma’s player thus tells the other players no, sorry but I don’t want to accept jailtime as a consequence, I want her released. And thus, since the player has the ultimate right to decide what happens to his/her character, the law enforcers have no choice but to let Gemma go. And there you have it, Gemma’s player has just done some standard consequence dodging. 

It happens a lot in criminal/law enforcement RP. Really, a lot. You have characters mysteriously being let out of jail a few days after committing serious crime, for no IC reason whatsoever. You have characters who inexplicably manage to escape from prison against overwhelming odds. Or characters who just decide to not acknowledge getting caught in the first place and carrying on as if nothing happened. No surprise it drives law enforcement players insane, frustrates victims and puts witnesses at risk (“What do you mean you let him go?! He’ll kill me!“) but unlike the Real World, IC law enforcement have no actual way of forcing legal consequences onto a character.

The example above is from the crime/punishment field, but of course consequence dodging is just as common in other contexts. Crime/punishment is just the most obvious example, and then we have this…


Consequences vs Punishment

There is an interesting misconception of the “IC actions lead to IC consequences” concept that continually comes back to cause trouble. It might stem from the fact that the word consequences also is used in reference to punishment, or perhaps it has to do with the fact that in most fictional stories the bad guy is the one to bite the dust in the end. Either way, it has clearly nestled its way into RP – the idea that in the end, the good guys will win and the bad guys will loose. The concept of “IC actions lead to IC consequences” becomes instead “IC crime leads to IC punishment”.

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What is wrong with that then? If a character commits a crime, should he then not be punished for it? No. While we might want to think that in the end the good guys always win, that is not the case. There isn’t even a reason to think the “criminals” are the bad guys, good and bad are subjective and will depend on your point of view anyway.

As a result of this misconception, that IC criminals in the end should get caught, you end up with players thinking themselves entitled to go victorious from IC conflicts for the sole reason that they are the good guys. You end up with players using unfair methods to make it so without even realizing it. You end up with law enforcement players who chase criminals not because it furthers the roleplay, but because they don’t only think it an IC duty to get the criminals caught, but also an OOC one.


The consequence of crime might not always be the criminal getting caught.


Tied to this issue is the notion that consequences would be connected with what is fair. Take the following scene as an example.

Gemma kills John and frames Sandra for the murder. The police fall for it and arrest Sandra. Sandra’s player refuses to accept IC punishment because it’s not fair – her character was in fact innocent and shouldn’t be punished for a crime she didn’t commit.

First let’s of course acknowledge that yes, Sandra’s player has every right to refuse punishment, it’s her character and her choice, yada yada. But beyond that, what is really right here? You should accept consequences for your actions yes, but should you accept consequences for someone else’s actions? If that is your line of thinking – as common as it may be – you are falling for the misconception that consequences = punishment, and indeed that consequences are/should be fair. In reality, they are not. Why did Sandra get framed for the murder in the first place? That in turn is the consequence of something. It might be the consequence of belittling Gemma earlier on, or the consequence of being naive. Or it might even be the consequence of being in the wrong place at the wrong time.


Consequences are not necessarily fair.



Justified consequence dodging

Is there such a thing? Many would say yes. There are a number of reasons why one might want to dodge certain consequences, and some of them are very reasonable.

  • If the logical consequence of a situation is for a character to die, it may cause the player actual emotional pain. It hurts to lose a beloved character, it really does.
  • If the logical consequence of a situation is for a character to get locked up for an extended period, that means that the player won’t actually be able to roleplay that character for  that long a time. Is it fair to try to hinder players from carrying on having fun? They might not enjoy playing any other character!
  • Logical consequences of a certain action may be wildly different from the story planned by the player. We wouldn’t accept the super villain of a movie to get caught already in the first scene, would we? Isn’t it best to tweak the consequences to create a better story?


At the core of them all lies the fact that RP is just a form of gaming, and as such it is meant to be enjoyable for those who take part. If a player does not find it enjoyable to accept certain consequences, why should they?

There is a point, a very good point, to this. The point of RP is ultimately to enjoy ourselves after all. So perhaps a bit of consequence dodging isn’t so bad? Well technically no. But then there is this…



Consequences don’t disappear

This is what makes consequence dodging seriously complicated: unless the RP is within a limited and controlled environment consequences don’t go away just because you dodge them. They just get pushed on to the next person.

What do I mean by that? Well, here’s a simple example:

Anna is about to tell the police that Gemma killed someone. To stop this, Gemma orchestrates a murder, trying to get rid of Anna before she can testify. It would have worked too, but Anna’s player doesn’t want to accept it and thus dodges the attack. She goes on to testify against Gemma, and Gemma gets lifetime in jail for murder. 

Simplistic example. Anna dodged the consequence coming her way (getting killed for ratting someone out) and instead the consequence landed on Gemma, who ended up sentenced to prison for the rest of her life.

But hold on, nothing says Gemma has to accept the punishment either! Her player can dodge it to, right?

Inexplicably, Gemma gets released after two days despite being convicted for murder. Someone must have thought a fine would be enough punishment. Two weeks later, Gemma gets in a bar brawl and ends up shivving a guy. The guy doesn’t die but gets terribly injured and has to spend weeks at the hospital. And even after that the poor guy may be too scared to go out drinking again!

And so Gemma dodged the consequences. It instead crashed down on the poor bloke who got shivved in the bar. Oh yes, he can dodge the consequences too! And pass it on to the next person. Perhaps it’s Gemma’s friend who will suffer in the end, even though she was innocent? Or perhaps it’ll go full circle and come back to Anna? There is not telling. But one thing is clear: Consequences. Don’t. Disappear. They will crash down like a ton of bricks on the first innocent player who doesn’t jump out of the way.



And that is bad how?

It’s up to each and every one if they want to accept things after all, so why should we care?

We should care because it leads us to situations where the enjoyment of one comes at the expense of others. Think of only your own enjoyment, and you will hurt those around you. And even if you honestly don’t care for their well being, consider the fact that the more people you hurt, the fewer will want to be around you. Do it enough, and you won’t have RP to enjoy any more, because people won’t actually play with you.

So, it’s a balancing act. Under some circumstances consequence dodging may be justified. But in most cases it probably isn’t, all things considered.

How do you do then, if you want action packed RP full of danger without risking the IC consequences? My advice would be to steer away from open world RP and head for GMed territory. In a closed setting, with a group of players who agree, anything can be done. There, you can have the eternal battle between good and evil without anyone ever getting hurt. There you can skip that jail sentence without anyone actually suffering from it. Because there, you have complete control. In an open MMO setting you don’t have that. No one has full control, and even if you don’t wish it, your actions will have consequences. If not for your own characters, then for others.




An exercise in consequence spotting. Take the following scene, spotted on an entirely normal evening in a tavern somewhere in the fictional world of Tyria… What might the consequences be for those involved? Leave a comment with your suggestion! (Click to make the image larger. Slightly NSFW, slightly!)

jaekal dean maria



Art by Stillcrow

It’s a good thing I’m soon about to move my desk and PC from this tiny little space under the stairs to a more lofty office space. How else am I going to fit all the lovely RP art on the wall?

The latest addition is this awesome piece by Stillcrow (click here and see more of his stuff!), portraying two slightly deranged characters from rp back on Elder Scrolls Online. Ellie and Felix in the wild!


Ellie and Felix Stillcrow.jpg

The Witcher 3 – First Impressions

Guess what I got for Christmas? The blog post’s title gives it away I’m afraid. The Witcher 3, yes oh yes. I have still only teased the surface of this gem of a game, but I can’t wait any longer. So here, have my first impressions of The Witcher 3 – The Wild Hunt!



I honestly didn’t know quite what to expect of this game. Unlike so many I had no expectations after the first or second Witcher game – for I had never played them. Of course I knew this game was supposed to be good, a number of good friends have told me so after all, but you never really know until you try it yourself. No customized main character? Too used to MMOs where I can play whatever type of character I fancy, the idea of only playing the role of this man, this Geralt, was not actually very tempting. But… all my friends couldn’t be wrong, I just had to try it.

After the first minutes of gameplay I was squeeking and jumping up and down in my chair. Not even exaggerating, I really did. “LOOK!” I called out to my husband, giddy as an excited child. “Look at how pretty it is! Ooooh look at the clothes! Oh my GOD look at how he handles the sword!”

Yes, I was in love.


What do I like about this game? I’ve hinted at it already but let me go over it with more clarity and structure. First, and this I doubt anyone can argue against, it is absolutely beautiful. I am not only talking the technical aspects here, the graphics (though they are great!), but of the entire visual design. The landscape manages to be beautiful even when it’s ugly, with swamps and discoloured patches of grass. The sunsets and sunrises bring colour and light that has me stopping just to look and admire the view. The villages and cities… oh don’t get me started on those.




And the swordsmanship? I’m an old HEMA enthusiast, I’ve practiced many long hours with the longsword myself and drooled over the old manuscripts (not really, wouldn’t drool on the actual manuscripts, that would be… bad). Most of the time, seeing swordfighting scenes in movies or video games leaves me disappointed and frustrated. (Have you ever noticed that in Guild Wars 2 for example, the sound a longsword makes when hitting any target is spot on the sound that comes from beating a metal trashcan with a baseball bat? It makes my skin crawl.) But here? Come the first fight scene and I was happily calling out the stances taken, the techniques used. I haven’t read up the facts here but I would bet my mead collection on them having had actual HEMA-practicioners do the swordfighting. Even the soldiers doing lazy sword drills in the background are doing it right! You might not know how rare that is to see, but trust me, it’s impressive.





What more? Oh yes, the clothes. Aaaah now this not just makes me drool, it makes my fingers itch. Never before have a game given me this much inspiration to be crafty, it’s quite amazing. The attention to detail they’ve put into the garments worn by even the most unimportant NPC is just brilliant. At one point during a cutscene I even yelped and pointed out the screen, exclaiming “LOOK! They’ve not just made any old ribbon but CARD-WOVEN RIBBONS that look just like the one I’ve made!” This game makes me want to sew, and weave, and dye, and work with leather, and and and… Yes. The medieval enthusiast in me that has laid rather dormant for a few years is somersaulting.




Let’s not talk about how this game also makes me want to learn more about what herbs may grow here locally, and what they traditionally might have been used for. Did I say that? No no, I am not crazy, I can’t have said that. What video game makes you want to pick herbs?

And the story? Haven’t even mentioned the story yet. You know how in many games you basically just skip the dialogue because it’s completely uninteresting, and the story feels like a meaningless last-minute addition? Not here. Now I have still not played through it all and there is much to the story I don’t yet know, but so far I am thoroughly impressed. It’s intriguing and grips me much like how a good book or movie will do. Even the side quests are well written and well played – oh yes I say played, for the voice acting here is far above the terrible standard in most games. Some scenes have had me hanging on to every word they say, I’ve cringed and even gasped. Again, I’m not even exaggerating here.



This I will say though. It is not a game for you who want a bright and happy fantasy world. This is not, I repeat not a game you want to buy to your children. Please, please don’t put this in the hands of a kid, it’s far too dark for that. For all its beauty this is a game with so much darkness that it’s at times almost overwhelming. The world portrayed in this game is not a pleasant one. The stories told don’t always have happy endings and you don’t even always get to be the good guy. But if you enjoy playing through a more gritty and dark world, where violence isn’t actually glorious and fantastic (but rather gruesome and unpleasant) then yes, go for it, play this game.

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There is more I could say, but I think that will be it for now. I will be back with another blog post once I’ve played through the entire game (the entire main story at least!), and see if my final impressions will have changed from these, initial ones. There I will also delve into what weaknesses I think the game has, for of course there is always things that could be done better. But that’s for later, for now I am all about the positives so deal with it.

Until next time!